Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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