Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
