I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
