I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
