just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
