She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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