I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Let's get the cat blown out
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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