Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize