In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
