I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
