saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So much rum. So many feels.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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