Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You made out with two different species that night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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