does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
