I'm jealous of your bromance
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
