He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
