Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
