got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
