Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
