Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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