is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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