He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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