Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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