whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
