On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
