How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
