recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
