got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
