i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
