If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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