I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
A+ Viking dick
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
