I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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