If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
