I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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