Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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