Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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