We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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