i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
