I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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