Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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