census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
