I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
