don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize