We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
