Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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