My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
