Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
