You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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