I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
