marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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