OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
