i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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