U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
