I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
