I can tuck mytits in my pants
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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