You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
