I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
