sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
