My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
