i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
