I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
