why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
