Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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