i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
