we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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