I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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