Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
