I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
