I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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