The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
