And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
